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Story I wrote...

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User avatar zacman
Skaarj Warlord Skaarj Warlord
Posts: 690
Joined: 23 Jun 2009, 02:51
Location: Under your bed with a Chainsaw

Subject: Story I wrote...

Post Posted: 30 Jul 2009, 04:18

Part 1:

The Warbrand stood roughly 3 meters tall. Coming out of the back of each wrist were 2 spikes, razor sharp. His skin was a dark red, and he wore red armor. His teeth were even dyed red. All was read, except his piercing Dark Green Eyes, and the Golden Colored Claws that wavered in and out of view, as if they were made of some kind of unearthly material. The Teeth were not used in fighting; instead a small implant inside the wrist of the War Brand fired energy-based projectiles. On the back of the wrist, the claws were much deadlier, but ran the risk of the War Brand having to get up close. He lurked in the shadows of the night, in the village where the peaceful Nali grazed their cows. The few Nali who had broken the ancient ways and taken up arms were on the battlefront. How he longed for the Battlefront… But he had work to do. He looked down at the city, and saw among the populace the occasional Terran. There were none of the creatures they called Mercenaries among them. The Mercenaries wore blue armor, their entire body encased and protected. Their name was made up by the Terrans, and in reality they were not mercenaries at all. Their true name was lost when the Skaarj destroyed their Homeworld. The Warbrand watched, waited, and then leapt out of the shadows. The Nali shrieked in their native tongue, waving their four arms like mad. The few Terrans that were there ran raising the alarm. “Skaarj! Skaarj in the city! And it’s a big bastard!” Men with guns came out of the buildings. The Warbrand leapt up high above the buildings, landing on a second floor balcony. He ran through the small house, slaughtering any Nali and Terran he encountered. He burst through the door, cannon balling through several Terran Warriors foolish enough to get in his way. This world had been taken from the Nali by the Skaarj long ago, and these Terran Freedom Fighters, from their far away planet were not going to take it. The Warbrand stood, bullets bouncing off his skin, and turned upon the Terran Forces. The mangled corpse of the Terran who had been in front of the door lay bleeding before him. He moved faster than the Terrans could aim, his golden claws tearing through them like butter. When the last of them were dead, he turned on the Nali. Some tried to run, others bowed before him, and others prayed to their heathen gods. The Warbrand killed them all. He turned around to a large building that was out of place. Satellite dishes revolved on the roof, and the walls were brick, instead of the clay of the Nali dwellings, and the ceiling was steel, instead of hay. The Warbrand tore the door down, charging through the building, leaving a trail of blood in his wake. In the center of the Terran Outpost was a large supply of explosives. The Warbrand took a small device out of his armor, an placed it in the supply. It began beeping. The Warbrand fled the building, and fled back to the jungles. It sat, watching and waiting, then the remains of the Nali Village erupted in a tremendous flame, reducing it to a smoking crater. The Warbrand saw lights in the sky, as a Terran Fighter Ship came to respond to the explosion. He blended away, into the forest, vanishing into the dark of the night as the Terran Ship landed.

Part 2

The commander cursed under his breath, gazing at the carnage around him. The Fighter had just landed in the Nali Village of Jidra, the light aglow with vicious flames. Outpost 16 lay as smoking rubble, and limbs could still be seen through the rubble, where the Nali and Terran troopers, or their bodies, had been. Out of the ship marched a Krall Warrior. The Krall had been oppressed by the Skaarj for generations, and brought to Na Pali as slaves, far from the distant world they came from. Many of them had never seen their home world, and had been brought up on the distant Skaarj world, and brought to Na Pali to help the Skaarj in their conquest. The Krall had finally turned upon their cruel masters, joining the Terrans and the Mercenaries to try and defeat the Skaarj. The Krall stood up tall, around the same height as a Skaarj. When moving, they hunched over, and ran fast. They fought with a Staff made by the Skaarj, from when they were used as slave masters of the Nali. The Staff was used like a Melee weapon, but also could fire weak energy projectiles. The Krall were expert hunters, and on their homeworld they had the Technological advancements of the Bronze Age. The Krall spoke to the Terrans in it’s language of grunts an shrieks, and ran off through the jungle, hunched over. The Terran Military forces followed after it, holding their CAR’s in a ready position. The Combat Assault Rifle, or CAR was a weapon the size of a standard M16 Assault Rifle from the 21st century, and were still seen in museums back on earth. The rifles could fire both rapid fire standard rounds, and explosive rounds, with slower fire rate for safety reasons. In the rear came several Mercenaries. Since the Skaarj had destroyed their homeworld, the Mercenaries had flown across the galaxy, confronting the Skaarj wherever they found them. They were encased in brownish decorated armor, although the more elite troopers wore Blue. No-one had ever seen the creature inside the Mercenary Armor, but when they were wounded, green blood came out of the armor. One of their arms was a fully functional hand, and the other was a High-power weapon, that fires Rockets, and has a Sub-Machine Gun as an emergency back up. They were equipped with a high power defensive shield. They are expensive to create, and although a new version was available, only the Elite warriors had the newest. The force of soldiers and Mercenaries followed the Krall through the jungle, and finally caught up with it at the edge of a small clearing. They looked through the trees, and there stood a large Red Skaarj warrior. The Warriors had large wrist mounted claws, and long hair. The long, thick, snake-like tail flicked in agitation as the warrior walked around. A Skaarj Shuttlecraft came down into the clearing, and landed. Some Skaarj Troopers marched out, Stinger Rifles at the ready. The Skaarj were bred into two castes, the Warriors with their claws, and the Troopers. The Troopers had a skull cap that tapered to a point at the back. Their tail was a short stub at the rear. They had no claws, and instead fought with fists when their weapons ran out. The Wrist Implants the Warriors used were not given to the Troopers, and they eventually ran out of ammunition. The Troopers greeted the large red warrior, kneeling before him. The Commander had seen the large red ones before. They were capable of wiping out entire platoons of soldiers by themselves, and they were triple the speed of a normal Skaarj. They could jump over three story houses, and their claws could rip through any armor. The two mercenaries at the back of the regiment tapped their wrist pieces, activating their shields. Once the shields were on, the mercenaries were invulnerable for roughly three minutes. The Commander nodded. The Mercenaries had the newer shields, which they could still fire while using. The Terrans and Mercenaries surged into the clearing, taking the Skaarj by surprise. Two Skaarj Trooper with blue and pink armor marched out. They were Officers, and they wielded the most cruel weapons of the Skaarj, which the Terrans called the Razorjack. They began firing Razors at the attacking troopers. Then, out of the ship marched another Skaarj officer, but this officer had black armor, and rather than the brownish yellow skin of the other troopers, it had ashen grey skin. It pulled out one of the deadliest weapons of Skaarj design, the Sky Edge. The Sky Edge was a cross between the Razorjack and the stinger. If fired rapid fire, or five projectiles at once, like the Stinger. But the ammunition was replaced by Razor Blades instead of the Tarydium Shards. The Troopers were all dead-The ship had only fit five of them-and only one officer remained. Two of the Terran Soldiers fell, leaving fourteen behind. The officer fell. Only the big Red Skaarj and the Dark Skaarj Remained. The commander tossed his empty rifle aside, and looked around. In the corner of the clearing, a dead Nali lay where he had been cutting wood. When the Humans had arrived, after knowing information from the survivors of several crash survivors, they had noted that they would need to use Fire for heat, and had brought Chainsaws with them to cut wood. The Nali had been cutting a tree, and embedded in the tree was a yellow Chainsaw. Grabbing the saw, the Commander ran at the big Red Skaarj. The Skaarj swung around, swinging its claws. The Commander blocked with the Chainsaw, Revving it up. The claws were unable to be broken, but they were pulled by the blades, and the Skaarj’s wrist was twisted around, and with a sickening crack broke. The Commander lifted the Chainsaw, and sung it like a sword, slicing it into the creature’s shoulder. The Skaarj roared in fury, and stabbed his claws into the Commanders chest, tearing it open. The Commander staggered back, bleeding. The Skaarj laughed, and turned away as the Commander collapsed. He lifted the chainsaw, picking a Tarydium shard off the ground, and jamming it into the mechanism, leaving the Chainsaw stuck on. He picked it up, and with the last of his strength threw it at the Skaarj, where it tore through its back, ripping outward though its chest. The Skaarj let out a Gurgling shriek, and turned to the Commadner. It stared at him, eyes blazing with hatred, and with a sigh, collapsed to the ground.

Part 3:

The Skaarj Dark Sentinel fought viciously, discharging his Sky Edge at the two mercenaries. The Terran had killed the Warbrand, tearing through him with a wood-cutter. The Sentinel’s Jet Black Armor deflected the Mercenaries bullets with ease, and one of the Mercenaries fell, gurgling as a blade passed through its throat. Grabbing a Razorjack from a fallen officer, the Sentinel reloaded his Sky Edge with its ammo. The Sentinel leapt forward in front of the remaining mercenary, and, holding the Sky Edge directly in front of it, hit the second trigger, spraying out five razors at once, ripping through the Mercenary. The Razors lodged in the Mercenary’s chest, and the shock of all five hitting at once killed it before it hit the ground. The Sentinel staggered forward as a vicious club crunched against the back of his head. He turned around, and was struck in the face by the Krall Warrior’s staff. The Sentinel lifted the Sky Edge, and hammered the butt of the gun into the Kralls face. The Krall stumbled backward, a small trickle of red blood coming from its nose. It let out a shriek, and turned around its staff, firing a green bolt of energy from the top. The Sentinel staggered back, as the bolt struck him in the chest. Picking up a Razor Jack, the viciously spiked weapon of the Skaarj officers, the Sentinel stabbed the Krall with the brutal stabilizers, which were made to represent vicious fangs. The Krall let out a wail, and collapsed before the sentinel. The Sentinel knelt before the remains of the Warbrand, letting out a grunting sigh. By Skaarj Tradition, each War Brand had a Dark Sentinel who worked with them, and they were brought up together, to the point that they could guess each other’s actions. Once one of them died, the other became worthless, and they were both replaced. The Dark Sentinel roared in fury, and set off toward the Nali Village. It marched through the Jungle, deciding to fight whatever Terran Forces remained. A small scaled creature ran past, shrieking in alarm. Angry, The Sentinel gave it a vicious kick, sending it flying into the scrub. After another ten minutes of walking, the Sentinel heard hissing from the bushes. A mass of the scaled creatures burst out, snapping with their teeth, their clawed feet and tiny arms slashing at the Sentinel. There were so many of them, The Sentinel couldn’t fight them… He collapsed in the vicious mass of creatures, and his armor was torn away. The Predators, small dinosaur like Pack Hunters of Na Pali, had caught their prey…

Do you like it...?
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User avatar zacman
Skaarj Warlord Skaarj Warlord
Posts: 690
Joined: 23 Jun 2009, 02:51
Location: Under your bed with a Chainsaw

Subject:

Post Posted: 03 Aug 2009, 08:46

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
No1 likes mah story :shake: :(
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User avatar Legendslayer222
Skaarj Elder Skaarj Elder
Posts: 1468
Joined: 15 Mar 2009, 10:18
Location: England

Subject:

Post Posted: 03 Aug 2009, 10:09

zacman wrote:No1 likes mah story


Ha. Go look at mine. There is a very, very small unreal fanfic community here, & so far on this site I've got 2 fics & 1 commenter. I'll read it when I get round to, between mapping & stuff. It's just really big. :P

EDIT: You're not allowed to use that many of the same smiley in one post. I copyrighted it! :P

User avatar zacman
Skaarj Warlord Skaarj Warlord
Posts: 690
Joined: 23 Jun 2009, 02:51
Location: Under your bed with a Chainsaw

Subject:

Post Posted: 03 Aug 2009, 10:41

1 of them is different!!
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User avatar Legendslayer222
Skaarj Elder Skaarj Elder
Posts: 1468
Joined: 15 Mar 2009, 10:18
Location: England

Subject:

Post Posted: 23 Aug 2009, 00:09

Ok, got round to reading. This, I presume, is set around the story of TUT?

Couple of spelling/grammar mistakes, not much to worry about. I would also like to see line breaking, because it is harder to read in that big clump.

The story it self: I found the way you described the characters, like the warbrand description at the start, very good. I guess this is also a self contained story; no continuation until the full story of TUT.

What other thing I found a bit annoying was the way you described the fight while all the troopers were being wiped out:

The Troopers were all dead-The ship had only fit five of them-and only one officer remained. Two of the Terran Soldiers fell, leaving fourteen behind. The officer fell.


It seems a bit rushed & could be described better in my opinion.

Also, if the sentinel guy is so good, then why did he get wiped out by a pack of predators?? :?

User avatar zacman
Skaarj Warlord Skaarj Warlord
Posts: 690
Joined: 23 Jun 2009, 02:51
Location: Under your bed with a Chainsaw

Subject:

Post Posted: 24 Aug 2009, 03:56

Hey, have you SEEN how MANY of them come at once?!? Also, the Sentinel was freaking out. THis is really something explained in TUT. Warbrands and Sentinels are raised together to the point where they are the perfect team. THey're together from birth, and are always in telekinetic contact, so when one dies, the other one becomes useless in the eyes of the other skaarj, and it is as good as they have died themselves.
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