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The Skaarj Warbrand [REVIEW]

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User avatar ElectricIce
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Subject: The Skaarj Warbrand [REVIEW]

Post Posted: 21 Sep 2009, 22:18

Part 1:
It's a quick throw into a detailed description of this Skaarj so called Warbrand and his weaponry. What we get later is his quick thoughts about the Nali and the war that is apparently erupting somewhere else in Na-Pali. And we then get right into action as the Warbrand jumps in front of a non suspecting Nali which who then panics and alert the Terran soldiers. This is now where the Action begins and how he easily cuts through the Terran lines of flesh with his shear brutal force inside a building he jumped into before. Then moments later after he was done with the slaughtering he found a suspicious looking house with radar transmitters and a different kind of material the house was built by and he went in to destroy the building and even the whole village. Part 1 ends with a boom and where the Warbrand is leaving his slaughter into the dark night.

After reading part one I felt like continuing to read to know how it will end. And the size of the whole story is not very big but still it fits in a lot just by diverting the whole into 3 parts. However some "rushed grammatical error" were there as I can see it. "His skin was a dark red" which should have excluded the A which I've typed bold here and " All was read" should have been Red instead of Read... Those are not critical errors in my eyes because they look more like as I said "Rushed Grammatical Errors". And since my English isn't anywhere close to perfect I can't point out anything else that is to critical.
How about we get into my Score about Part 1?

Grammar=4
Detail=3
Invention(there is another word for it, but I forgot)=4
In depth story=2
Interest=3

Average 3.5 for part 1.
I will continue to read the rest tomorrow when I have more time and rate them individually and then all three together.

Part 2:
To be reviewed.

Part 3:
To be reviewed.

Over and out, Zombiehunter AKA "Electric Ice"

How was my review on the first part? Am I good enough for the job?

User avatar Hellscrag
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Subject:

Post Posted: 21 Sep 2009, 22:38

I was assuming we would do this privately, but okay, we can do it here. Thanks for your quick response.

Firstly, I'm not sure you've chosen the best fic to use as an example. zacman's fic is incredibly short. What I think you need to look at is the actual fan fiction page of the main site where there are links to several stories both finished and unfinished, most of which are a great deal longer and offer much more for you to critique and demonstrate your reviewing abilities with.

For a fic the length of zacman's, I would of course expect the review to be short. For a longer story, however, there would be a lot more to say. I wouldn't be looking for a chapter-by-chapter review. The story should be reviewed as a whole, as what you need to be looking at is the writer's ability to conceive a story and interesting characters, and to weave them into a well-written fic with a beginning, a middle and an end. In the process, you shouldn't be summarising the plot in detail, least of all spoiling the end. Have a look at Enigma's schema and Enigma's reviews for an example.

Btw, I don't actually agree with you on the grammar critique in this case. I think "a dark red" is perfectly valid, as the red in question is one of many possible shades of red. If you aren't confident of your own grammar, then it may be difficult for you to clearly assess the grammar used by others. However, it could be argued that grammar isn't that important as long as it's readable and comprehensible - if you want to work on that basis, then it should be stated up-front in your schema.

Here's a re-post of what I wrote on the other thread. As I said then, I think reviewing finished stories has to be the priority.

Well, anything that relates to the "Unreal" story (as opposed to UT) is fair game. In publishing Prophet's story, I also placed links from our Fan Fiction page to all of the Unreal-related stories I found at fanfiction.net. However, I haven't had time to read any of them to see if they are finished. You may also be aware of other fanfics found elsewhere.

I guess there's not much point in reviewing unfinished stories, unless they're clearly not being worked on any longer... but it's up to you.

To get started, I suggest browsing the Fan Fiction page here at UnrealSP and thinking about how you would like to go about reviewing the stories. Would you use Enigma's schema, or would you prefer to take a different approach? Would you keep Enigma's reviews, or replace them? Once you've sorted that out in your head, perhaps you could do a trial review for me and I can give you some feedback.

I'm also open to redesigning the Fan Fiction page if you have any good ideas as to how I might do it.

In other words: The ball's in your court.
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User avatar Hellscrag
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Joined: 11 Nov 2007, 19:14
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Subject:

Post Posted: 21 Sep 2009, 22:50

P.S. I am a bastard of an editor. :)

Don't take the above the wrong way. The site needs all the help it can get and, if you take account of the above and feel you can get deep enough into the construction of the stories in your reviews, I would be glad to have you aboard.
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User avatar zacman
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Subject:

Post Posted: 22 Sep 2009, 03:20

lol, better score than I thought I'd get-didn't even think someone would take the time to review it :D
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User avatar ElectricIce
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Subject:

Post Posted: 22 Sep 2009, 13:02

Hellscrag wrote:P.S. I am a bastard of an editor. :)

Don't take the above the wrong way. The site needs all the help it can get and, if you take account of the above and feel you can get deep enough into the construction of the stories in your reviews, I would be glad to have you aboard.


as a reviewer that gives critics, then the reviewer shall be able to take the same amount of good and bad criticism to experience. I am also a Musician so I know how to take it :D I will work on my reviewing skills. Lets just say that Zacman's was a test of a sort where I can change to improve.


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