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The Unreal Journey Poem

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User avatar Legendslayer222
Skaarj Elder Skaarj Elder
Posts: 1468
Joined: 15 Mar 2009, 10:18
Location: England

Subject: The Unreal Journey Poem

Post Posted: 12 Dec 2010, 22:09

Part 1: Vortex Rikers
A prisoner woke up in her cell to the sound of an alarm bell.
She soon realized all was not well; the prison ship had gone to hell.
In her memory the tale was shaping. Her cell told her "Prisoner 849 Escaping!"
The prisoner in the opposite cell was dead, a bleeding mass on his hard cell bed.
She took the lift the next floor, sickened by the sights she saw.
849 retrieved a translator from a dead guard who used to hate her.
Climbing into a dim misty vent, she had to know what happened so away she went.
The Vortex Rikers prison ship had crashed, she read on a screen that wasn’t smashed.
The captain groaned in his chair and breathed his last rattling breath of air.
Around 849 the Rikers was falling apart. She would not miss this place in her heart.
She came up to a door that was locked; behind it, a pistol was cocked.
A man yelled “What the hell was that?”. 849 heard a bloody splat.
The sound of gunfire rang out; about the guards’ survival 849 had a doubt.
Someone or something opened the door. Blood pooled on the floor.
She gasped when she looked past the gore at the scaly creature she saw.
It ran before she could get a good look. She was scared, her hands shook.
She found a Dispersion Pistol, now she was armed. 849 was less likely to be harmed.
The Rikers hull shook again. She would need to move quickly, she realised then.
After more scenes of death, she found an exit and took a deep breath.
She left the damaged ship behind, wondering what next she would find.
------
I will write more parts. I might not do every level in Unreal, but I will sum up the whole story (I hope).

Feedback please! :D

User avatar salsaSkaarj
Gilded Claw Gilded Claw
Posts: 1685
Joined: 21 Apr 2009, 21:54
Location: on the prowl

Subject: Re: The Unreal Journey Poem

Post Posted: 13 Dec 2010, 00:03

Legendslayer222 wrote:Feedback please! :D

A couple of rhymes which fail to work because of timing but still a damn good read. I think it's going top be impossible to do the complete story (in this level or in others) but all will recognise the setting and see subconscious images pass as we read.

Very original and I'm really looking forward to the rest. :tup: (especially how you're going to write up the first too close contact with the Skaarj) Just don't rush it.

User avatar jackrabbit
Skaarj Elder Skaarj Elder
Posts: 1014
Joined: 11 Nov 2007, 21:23

Subject: Re: The Unreal Journey Poem

Post Posted: 13 Dec 2010, 02:55

hahahahahahahaha very nice. I might find the time to help you out on a few lines but first I should probably do some poetry research on the interwebs to refresh my memory. Its been a long while since I tried poetry (high school).

But the first block I noticed:

849 retrieved a translator from a dead guard who used to hate her.


I think this line kinda kills the flow of it. Still, I'm sure it could be revised to make it work and not break the flow.

User avatar Teridax
Skaarj Warlord Skaarj Warlord
Posts: 847
Joined: 11 Apr 2009, 04:10

Subject: Re: The Unreal Journey Poem

Post Posted: 13 Dec 2010, 05:23

This was a really entertaining read! I imagine it'd be really hard to get a bunch of other Unreal maps in there, but good luck nonetheless.

And I laughed when I read, "A man yelled “What the hell was that?”. 849 heard a bloody splat." :lol: :tup:
Image

User avatar Legendslayer222
Skaarj Elder Skaarj Elder
Posts: 1468
Joined: 15 Mar 2009, 10:18
Location: England

Subject: Re: The Unreal Journey Poem

Post Posted: 18 Dec 2010, 23:27

Oh well, it was inevitable, rhyming 'Nali' and 'Na Pali'.
------

Part 2: Nyleve's Falls
The Rikers had hit a mountain ridge. The ship was crippled, especially the bridge.
The ground was covered in soft grass littered with the ship’s broken glass.
849 walked up to a crude stone hut. She saw a corpse and got a bad feeling in her gut.
Something had killed the former guard, and she could see he had been hit hard.
She found an automag, another gun. She shielded her eyes from the bright sun.
She walked through the dirt under the ship, clipping her new gun at her hip.
Slowly she made her way to where she saw a mine doorway.
More bloody corpses were inside; she didn’t want to know how they had died.
From around a corner a body flew out followed by a beast angry and stout.
The bulky beast grunted loudly, looking at its kill proudly.
849 assumed a fighting stance. If she attacked fast she might stand a chance.
“Eat this!” She viciously said and shot the Brute in the head.
Blood poured out of its eye socket. It responded by firing a small rocket.
849 ducked to the ground. She fired off another round.
The next bullet killed her foe. She reloaded and turned to go.
She explored the canyon, often fighting. She read journals and other forms of writing.
At a hut near the base of a waterfall, she heard a terrified alien call.
She killed a Tentacle hanging upside-down and looked for what had made the sound.
An alien was huddled down by the table. They looked like something from a fable.
The alien had four arms and was very tall. It moved away from her to the wall.
“Relax,” She said. “I’m a friend.” The alien calmed down in the end.
She learnt the species was called the Nali. They were slaves on their planet, Na Pali.
She cured herself with a healing fruit, glad to meet someone she didn’t need to shoot.
Then the ex prisoner, 849, Went through the door to Rrajigar mine.

Part 3: Rrajigar Mine
849 disliked cramped spaces. She could think of much better places.
She kept a mental catalogue of alien races, remembering their abstract faces.
She froze when she opened a door. She looked at a giant blue crystal in awe.
Dislodging it from the rocky Earth she wondered how much it would be worth.
She stopped when she heard a quiet grunt, the sound of a Brute on the hunt.
849 stepped back from the crystal, equipping her dispersion pistol.
As soon as the monster entered the cave she sent it to an early grave.
She found a crackling forcefield. How would she remove this shield?
She traced her steps back to another room. She saw a different door in the gloom.
She went into that new part of the mine and followed the directions on a sign.
849 found a hall, littered with the dead. The walls and floor were splashed with red.
She wondered what had passed through last. She shuddered, and hurried past.
She found a switch to turn the forcefield off. The smell of blood made her cough.
She went back into the bloody hall. The path was blocked; she expected a brawl.
Then the lights turned off, one by one. She gripped the handle of her gun.
There was a second of quiet before the start of the riot.
A section of the wall released, a green scaly and ferocious beast.
It was like the thing she had seen on the ship. Its massive arms shot out like a whip.
Its hands had claws designed to rip, energy was crackling on the tip.
849 readied her guns and darted back before the Skaarj could finish its attack.
She emptied half a clip into the monster’s chest. It kept coming so she fired the rest.
The Skaarj finally dropped with a gurgling roar, unable to battle her any more.
849 had to make sure so she used her boot to stamp its head into the floor.
“That was stupid.” She said, and swore; her foot was now covered in gore.
She carried on into Rrajigar hoping the exit wasn’t far.

User avatar salsaSkaarj
Gilded Claw Gilded Claw
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Joined: 21 Apr 2009, 21:54
Location: on the prowl

Subject: Re: The Unreal Journey Poem

Post Posted: 20 Dec 2010, 00:29

She cured herself with a healing fruit, glad to meet someone she didn’t need to shoot.
Considering she just found out about the Nali, it would seem more logical and within the flow of the story tha the sentence should be turned round.
Finally meeting someone she didn't have to shoot, she cured herself with a healing fruit.

It's just small (personal) thing, for the rest... Keep it up. Fragments of the game appear in my mind as I read :)

User avatar Hellscrag
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Joined: 11 Nov 2007, 19:14
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Subject: Re: The Unreal Journey Poem

Post Posted: 20 Dec 2010, 00:34

OK, perhaps it doesn't scan, but your diverse rhymes I shall not pan...
Image
Life is what you make of it.

User avatar salsaSkaarj
Gilded Claw Gilded Claw
Posts: 1685
Joined: 21 Apr 2009, 21:54
Location: on the prowl

Subject: Re: The Unreal Journey Poem

Post Posted: 20 Dec 2010, 12:08

Hellscrag wrote:OK, perhaps it doesn't scan, but your diverse rhymes I shall not pan...

Agreed, but not all phrasing expresses the feel, of that great game we know as Unreal :wink:

User avatar Legendslayer222
Skaarj Elder Skaarj Elder
Posts: 1468
Joined: 15 Mar 2009, 10:18
Location: England

Subject: Re: The Unreal Journey Poem

Post Posted: 19 Feb 2011, 12:57

Part 4: Depths of Rrajigar and Sacred Passage
She was deep inside the mining facility before she realized her full level of ability.
She was amazed she had survived so long. She’d thought she’d do something wrong.
The Skaarj ranks fell apart before her. Her killing spree was a complete slaughter.
She was called by a Nali she had freed. They moved across the room, Nali in lead.
A small hatch opened at the Nali’s wave. She bowed and thanked the Nali slave.
Inside was a gun that shot crystal shards. Something else to kill the Skaarj guards.
She loaded ammo into the Stinger. She headed on; no need to linger.
Her movements sounded an alarm. Time to test her new firearm.
A Skaarj jumped from on top of a crate. At the sight of it she filled with hate.
The Skaarj raised his arm but too late. She let out a burst of fire and he met his fate.
She was attacked by a charging Brute. He raised his guns and started to shoot.
849 ducked into cover before the Brute had a chance to shove her.
Her Stinger released a Tarydium burst. From the fight the Brute came out worst.
The way out of Rrajigar was clear. “I’m fed up with being in here.”
She stepped out into a large valley. Unfortunately that fight was not the finale.
The doors to a stone structure were closed. She would not go by unopposed.
There was a path underwater. Sneaky routes were why they hadn’t yet caught her.
She tested the pool with one toe. She jumped and let out a startled “Woah!”
A writhing fish the size of her arm disturbed the water that had looked so calm.
Her dispersion pistol killed the Devilfish; its body writhed with a sad swish.
849 looked away from the death and prepared for the swim, taking a deep breath.
She passed through the knotted seaweed. She wondered where the tunnel might lead.
Emerging from the watery pit she made sure the water hadn’t damaged her kit.
She found a side door into the passage of stone. Inside, she knew she was not alone.
849 went to the front door. A Brute let out a guttural roar.
She pelted its face with automag rounds. The passage rang with gunshot sounds.
849 came out the champ. She shivered; her clothes were still damp.
She tried the door of a temple, very ancient. It wouldn’t open; lucky she was patient.
She pulled a lever and a pool filled with water. The door opened a Manta caught her.
The flying ray struck with its tail. 849 avoided its flail.
She swung her automag up at it. Her second shot was a direct hit.
The Manta crumpled on the ground. It let out a pitiful sound.
She finished it and with a despondent nod, proceeded into the temple of the water god.

Part 5: Chizra- Nali Water God
A mystical humming filled the air. 849 could not tell from where.
There was a kind of magic inside. She didn’t believe, so that fact she denied.
Another riddle blocked her way. Someone was trying to keep intruders at bay.
She let out a surprised cry as a large corpse caught her eye.
The body of the aquatic monster was dead. It slightly resembled a Skaarj by its head.
She pictured how the monster would writhe. She didn’t want to meet a living Slith.
She proceeded into the place of worship. She filled her automag with another clip.
After a swim she found a hidden room. The corpse inside made it look like a tomb.
She looked at the hands of the dead body. They were clutching a useful ASMD.
Picking up the energy gun she decided it was time to have some fun.
She noticed at the weapons touch she was enjoying the fights far too much.
849 hated the Skaarj and all the rest. To free Na Pali, she would do her best.
The path ahead required scuba gear. Would she find any here?
Luckily there was some around. There was no need to get herself drowned.
The gear was just here, underwater, but she thought of what the signs had taught her.
If the impure bathe in the Pool of Thunder, the sky demon will tear them asunder.
She did not believe in that stuff. Of supposed magic she had had enough!
But upon entering the pool, she realized she had been a fool.
A Skaarj dropped from above and slashed her face. 849 did not react with grace.
She fired her ADMD at the Skaarj. The energy shot at it in a fiery blue bar.
Her opponent smashed into a wall and broke his neck. 849 watched him hit the deck.
She could not deny this magic anymore, she thought, as she collected an ASMD core.
She collected her hard earned scuba gear. She double checked the area was clear.
Wiping blood off her scarred cheek, she knew she was injured. She felt slightly weak.
A health pack was lying by wall. The amount it healed was enough, but small.
She retraced her steps to the underwater path. Scuba, water. You do the math.

Part 6: The Ceremonial Chambers
Deep inside the temple of ceremony she read the diary of a man called Tony.
His life had been a tragic story. The end he had met was very gory.
From nearby she heard a clicking. Time to give this Slith a good kicking.
She held up and looked upon her new, powerful, fifth weapon.
The Eightball launcher fired missiles. She attracted the Slith with a few whistles.
As soon as the Slith came into view she shot 4 rockets. Her aim was true.
The Slith’s chest was blown apart. It died as the rockets destroyed its heart.
849 quickly stepped past hoping no one else was attracted by the blast.
She came across a door locked with a bar. Behind she spotted a patrolling Skaarj.
She guessed underwater she would find a lever. 849 was sure she would get a fever.
As she contemplated being a lever retriever, a Fly bit her with a mouth like a cleaver.
She spun around and with her automag and she shot the flying, fleshy bag.
The fly dropped from a single shot. She left it there on the ground to rot.
After updating a mental kill tally she stepped through a door and was in a large valley.
She brought a lift up to her level. A Skaarj leapt from it like a devil.
Using the kick from her ASMD she knocked the Skaarj back down into the valley.
He let out an unearthly moan as he smashed against a jagged stone.
The outside area was sort of serene. Until she came upon a vicious scene.
A pair of Sliths were stalking their prey. The Nali was trying to get out of their way.
As 849 killed the first, the second killed the Nali and she angrily cursed.
She finished off the brutal fight and headed further up the canyon to the daylight.
She would leave the temple with relief. The magic inside had shattered her belief.
How many more trials must she cross? To the answer, she was at a loss.
------
The scenes aren't exactly in order and a couple of rhymes are weak, I know. What do you think of these parts?

User avatar Legendslayer222
Skaarj Elder Skaarj Elder
Posts: 1468
Joined: 15 Mar 2009, 10:18
Location: England

Subject: Re: The Unreal Journey Poem

Post Posted: 20 Feb 2011, 19:55

Part 7: Dark Arena
As she escaped the holy den, she vowed to never swim again.
She was in a dark tunnel of cold stone. She heard a distant Skaarj groan.
Hitting a face shape on the wall, there was a nearer Skaarj call.
As she watched the opening of a door, she was caught by a Skaarj claw.
Spinning round she opened fire, the shots echoing like a choir.
Her opponent was left to choke on his blood. 849 closed the door with a thud.
The prisoner looked up at the near structure. What it was for she was unsure.
However things were getting meaner; this was probably some sort of arena.
Several Nali were crucified, they would be there until they died.
She promised herself once more she would end the planet’s war.
A section of the wall was weaker; she broke inside to where things were bleaker.
She was in a damp, dark jail. Bodies lay in cells, deathly pale.
Opening a door, see was in a big room. Lava lit the eerie gloom.
A Nali was in a cage above a burning pit. It would fall once a lever was hit.
She could do nothing to free him. He just stood in his cage, singing a sad hymn.
She headed up in a steel lift. Some ammo lay here like a gift.
849’s examination was swift; she had crossed a dangerous rift.
What must she fight in this arena? She hunter for her opponent like a hyena.
Then the wall exploded out. From a dark space came a monstrous shout.
First emerged the massive Titan’s snout. Her skills she was starting to doubt.
She loaded eightballs into her gun. She fired six when she was done.
The Titan didn’t stumble back an inch. The huge beast didn’t even flinch.
On the earth it started to pound. It pulled a rock from the ground.
It threw the huge boulder at 849. She hit the dirt just in time.
She fired another batch of rockets at the foe. Its pace seemed to slow.
Boulders and rockets, they took turns. Eventually the Titan stumbled under its burns.
A few more grenades killed the Titan. As it hit the floor things seemed to brighten.
She yelled a victorious roar. No one could stop her anymore.
------
I will probably skip writing a few levels that would be less interesting, like Harobed.

User avatar makemeunreal
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Subject: Re: The Unreal Journey Poem

Post Posted: 27 Jun 2011, 14:22

I love this work,good work.. you write like goethe :P
"They let us go about our business here, but it is a farce. I know that they are watching us, controlling us. I believe that this once safe haven is as deadly as the surface planet below."


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